I haven’t acted in a rather long time, though I have been helping out a lot of groups with their performances. And my last acting performance was a disaster, by my standards. Consequently, I have developed a certain fear of, and an aversion to getting up on stage. So when Ratan asked me to do the advanced workshop again, I was naturally hesitant. I tried coming up with various reasons to not do so, but Ratan’s words kept repeatedly playing in my mind – “It’ll be good for you. Don’t worry.”. So with a lot of nervousness (and some hope), I went ahead with it.

As I was reaching the studio, all that I could think was – “I don’t want to be on the stage. I  like directing, writing, creating the sound effects. But I am not an actor. God, I’m going to be late for class, and I don’t want to miss anything! This is strange, since I never felt this even when going for my first L1 class, more than 2 years ago. But there is one fundamental difference – back then I just wanted to enjoy something, now I have a lot of expectations from myself. Unfortunately, if the expectations are not checked, they end up becoming an actors’ fundamental mistake.” – “Paralysis by Analysis” is one of the greatest enemies of an actor. 

While I was preoccupied with this gamut of emotions swirling in my head, Ratan started the class. Focus shifted in a matter of seconds, though I was largely silent, which is quite unusual for me in any class. As Ratan started talking about today’s exercise, my mind went back to the same exercise I had done two years ago. I was wrong; this was a similar exercise, not the same. I noticed, not surprisingly, that Ratan had added a lot of dimensions to the exercise, consequently achieving multiple goals – blocking methodically, internalizing the emotion, the first step of moving from being natural to being real, and rapid transitioning between emotional states – all of this centered around a L1 exercise, which all the students are well versed with. (A hidden lesson for students of acting here – if you intend to play a role, start with something you are  comfortable or well versed with, and then move to the tougher parts).

I realized a few things about myself during the exercise:

1. By staying away from acting and observing others, the process of getting into a certain emotional state had become easier.
2. I was projecting emotions using my entire body in a better fashion.
3. I could get into the character completely before the curtains go up.

Most importantly, I was enjoying acting after a long time, but just as I was starting to feel good, Ratan dropped the Bomb! He asked us to convert the exercise into a performance, but taking it to an extremely different level; in his own words, this was going to be a “L4 exercise”! Just what I needed; the very idea of getting back on stage was troubling enough, but with these added parameters,….

Though my performance didn’t go exactly as per my plan, there were moments – magical moments – when I felt like I was getting it right. But the important realization was that I had definitely grown, despite the hiatus. There’s nothing more encouraging than knowing that you have grown, rather than regressed. Of course the loud “Good Job” by Ratan was sweet music to my ears.

I have to thank the other actors, Nirup and Kritarth, on stage, without whom, all of this wouldn’t have happened. (I heard later that they were brilliant, and I wish I could’ve been in the audience to see them).

One of Ratan’s important lessons is, learning by watching other actors perform. In this case, I even got to watch their pre-performance preparation. And as usual, it was a very good learning experience. Each had her/his own unique style, and something to teach others. And the performaces – is there any word/phrase to describe 21 people performing the same script, and each doing it uniquely and excellently! These are the events which give me goosebumps!

So Ratan’s idea of pushing us beyond our perceived limits was a stroke of genius!

To sum it up, I want to go back!  Thanks Ratan!